Through The Eyes Of My Mother

I remember

laying on the olive green carpet, feeling the pattern beneath my cheek

Listening to The Beatles on the phonograph.

I remember

"Hey Jude", and how the words washed over me like a scalding hot shower,

"Take a sad song and make it better".

I remember

Revolution, "Don't you know it's gonna be all right"

calming me in my destruction.

I remember

my daughter coming in and asking if I'm all right,

wanting to scream "NO", I'm not all right - I'm trapped!"

I remember

my mind was fractured into pieces;

what has been, what is now, what needs to be

I remember

thinking how this would affect my five kids,

but they were better off without a Mom who was broken.

I remember

how desperately I needed space to think,

feeling like I was in a cage with no door, like my skin was too tight.

I remember

that I had already made my decision to leave

and was mourning the loss.

I remember

the flickering hope of freedom

Entrancing, enticing, inevitable, lighting up my soul.

I remember

the moment I shed my skin

standing raw and new.

I remember

moving into the new future

with my old blue suitcase.

I remember

the confusion on my children's faces

as I quietly shut the door after myself.

Judi Opager

May 16, 2021