Inside Out

Sitting on the steps hidden from view, silently I would eavesdrop On the always fascinating conversations that took place Between all the Aunties and my Mom.

On this day, however, the words scalded me, leaving traces of pain 60 years later. “Lisa will always be my ballerina and, Judi will always be my dumpling.”

The chubby little 7 year old sister yet again a distant second. Those words would replay in my head throughout my life, As if my life were somehow already written immutably.

The only one of my Auntie’s missing that day was my cheerleader, mentor, role-model, and confidant, my beloved Auntie Stella.

I spent a lot of time staying with her on the farm Loving the peace it brought Loving the love it brought Loving the fun it brought Most of all, loving the complete acceptance it brought

We were of a kind, Auntie Stella and me, dreamers and lovers. We were the cheerleaders She always had kind words for everyone She always knew how to make me laugh Even at ourselves – she taught me that

I so completely trusted her that I even told her When I got secretly engaged to the Love of my life (at age 6) Even though it was her husband, my Uncle Alford She didn’t mind.

Whether I wore rags or a mink coat She never noticed, never even saw them She adored me because I breathed

She never asked me how I was doing in school She never asked me how things were at home

No one laughed harder at themselves than she did Except maybe me – that was her gift to me

We were having a family reunion Back in my hometown I was so excited to see her, it had been years She didn’t know I was coming

All the way from California to see her

Everyone was in cahoots on the surprise

They snuck me in the back door And slowly I crept up behind the chair she was sitting in

Ready to spring

When she quickly turned around to face me A long, green gummy worm hanging out of her nose

Judi Opager December 16, 2020