Miscarriage

My face is hot from the flush

that courses through my veins,

warming every cell in my body.

I am in shock, total disbelief.

I’m pregnant

Thrill pulses through my being

Happiness beyond anything I’ve ever experienced

My body is a little world

Rotating in its own orbit

It’s my secret as I gently place my hands over my womb.

I put one foot in front of the other

How can I drive with the sun so bright,

the sky so very blue,

and the ground unsteady beneath my feet.

I can’t stop grinning.

I am in wonder! My baby is growing inside of my body.

How shall I tell my husband?

I swear I can feel the baby move,

and I am fiercely protective already

The waves of nausea make me laugh,

proof that I am carrying on that wonderous thing,

being a portal to a living soul into this world

I am feeling so tired all the time.

So sleepy.

Then a wicked bad dream.

There is so much blood,

and they won’t let me go into the other room

to check on my baby.

Screaming myself awake,

I am sweaty and terrified

I begin to feel cramping, painful, tearing

Then the blood starts

I see the doctor looking at me so sadly

I had lost my baby

Crying and sobbing unashamedly

Loud, noisy, heart is breaking

The doctor is weeping with me

My darling baby, it was not your time

And I was not meant to be your Mom

Shattered

Judi

April 27, 2020